election

Minor candidate from increasingly minor party offended Dear Leader

by Jayel Aheram

Minor presidential candidate Mitt Romney criticized celebrated Nobel Peace Prize laureate, harbinger of Hope and Change, our dear leader President Barack Obama over the latter’s apparent “mishandling” of the events in Egypt and Libya. And then America’s symbol of occupation in Libya—if you remember, the conflict killed 30,000 Libyans to deliver much-needed Hope and Change to that forsaken North African country—was bombed in an apparent retaliation for an obscure anti-Islam film which no one saw.

Of course, people apoplectic about this whole thing, though what they are angry about I am not really sure. Chickenhawks—from both the Criminal, Warmongering Right and the Noble Humanitarian-“We Will Lovingly Bomb You”-Intervention Left—are in an absolute tizzy about Romney’s ill-timed political attacks. Because if there is ever a time to question Dear Leader, it is not during a tragedy in which Real Americans died. After all, why is Romney exploiting this tragedy for political gain when we can as a country unite together to exploit this terrible tragedy for imperialist gain!